Wellness Wednesday - February 9

How to Move On After Disappointments or Setbacks

Have you been watching the Olympics? I have, and I love the excitement of cheering on the athletes through my TV screen. I feel so happy for the people who have achieved their goal of an Olympic medal, but I also feel sad and disappointed when an athlete falls, doesn’t go as fast as they had hoped, or gets a lower mark than they were expecting. I thought about how they would deal with setbacks. I also reflected on how I personally deal with disappointment in my life and what my husband and I have tried to teach our children when it comes to setbacks and disappointments.
Here are 5 things you can do to get through difficult times in your life.

#1 Experience your emotions - There is something to be said about giving yourself time. If you ignore your emotions, they will surface at some point. Perhaps in even more damaging ways. Give yourself a deadline to feel what you are feeling…a day, a week, a month. Write down some of your thoughts. Observe how you are feeling. Then get ready to move forward.

#2 Accept reality - Now that you are aware of your emotions surrounding disappointment, you can manage them more effectively. One of the best ways to do that is to accept reality, even if the outcome feels unfair. Many people get caught up in whether an outcome is fair. We can’t always know what factors worked against us. It could be bad timing or one person’s opinion affected the outcome, or a call made by a referee. Until you accept what happened you will be stuck in a state of denial where your emotions rule. You must accept “what's so” before you can figure out “what’s next”.

#3 Shift your perspective - there are many strategies that can help you change the way you think about a situation. Normalize…it’s not just you. Everybody struggles. It’s normal to experience setbacks. This is part of living. Expect to be challenged and disappointed. Know that you are not alone. Reprioritize…ask yourself how this situation ranks in the big picture of life. On a scale of 1-10 where does it fit. At the moment it might feel like a 9 but after some reflection or practicing the art of gratitude you realize it probably is more like a 4. That doesn’t mean what happened didn’t hurt, but gratitude helped temper your disappointment. Reframe…What new meaning can you find from the situation? You might realize you need to work on a new skill or move away from a situation you are in.

#4 Move from “no” to “not yet” - adopt a growth mindset. This requires us to view failure or disappointment differently. If we believe we can learn from failure and have the potential to succeed, we have the strength to try again.

#5 Revisit your goals - Take time to evaluate your goals. Determine what has changed and what hasn’t. Consider what your next goals are. Inspiring goals help motivate us and move us forward. Focus on where you want to end up!